20 years ago I cheated on P. I didn't get caught so when it ended I thought it was over. It wasn't. Soon after the affair my wife showed signs of an STD. I knew I had given it to her but I rationalized that maybe I contracted it from a girlfriend before we were married. But I knew in my mind that that was not the case and I knew that she suspected me of sleeping with someone else.
When she came right out and asked if I had cheated on her I denied it. We both had outbreaks of the STD over the years to come and it was an inconvenience to say the least but we got medication to help with frequency and severity of that disease so I let it drift away as a problem in our marriage. We managed.
Years went by, twenty to be more accurate. Our marriage had some rocky times but I thought we had a strong marriage with good communication. In fact she was the one who taught me to communicate better and why it was so important to the relationship. With time passing and raising a family and then seeing them off to college and then seeing them get married I let the secret continue. I was satisfied that if I kept the secret that it would be as if it never happened. Not that I ever thought about it.
30 years into our marriage we were closer than we had ever been. I am still a self-centered type of person but I tried to by the best husband I knew how. From the outside all looked good. Happy couple, happy children, happy grandchildren, good jobs. We were looking forward to retirement and even more grandchildren.
But then a light was shown on my deepest, darkest secret. The darkest corner of my home. When her elderly mother (82) and her older special needs brother (63) had to move to a city 2 hours away for more constant care it threw our lives into a tailspin. If it had only been that stressful situation to deal with I think I would have kept the secret in tacked to my grave. Not so much to hide my despicable actions but to keep her from any harm. But God works in His on way.
More life events were in the works. Our daughter was 9 months pregnant with our new granddaughter and our oldest son was getting married in one month. More stress than anyone could handle with grace. But she was doing it. Packing her mom and brother for the move, selling all her mom's stuff to clean out the house. Getting the house on the market. Helping with our 2 year old grandson when our daughter was exhausted from working two jobs and about ready to give birth. All that and doing her 50 hour a week job. And to say that I wasn't much help would be an understatement.
After two weeks straight of working to get things settled at her mom's house which included spending the night there most every night I became increasingly resentful. We hadn't had sex the whole time and we usually were able to make love twice a week on average. Finally she took a weekend night off and we stayed home and had some drinks and had very good sex. Our sex life had been above average for the last 10 or 12 years. In fact I told her that I enjoyed loving her more now than ever. I knew that these stressful times would pass and that we would settle back in to our lives together. What I didn't know was that stress can cause more problems than I ever thought.
Soon after that night she told me about the outbreak. It was the STD. I didn't have anything visual on my body but you never know with that devil of a disease. She was, however, all bumpy and painful inside and out down there. She nor I had ever experienced anything like this before.
Everything came rushing back because it was all my fault. She was so uncomfortable and stressed that for the first time in many years she confronted me with her suspicions of my infidelity. And the confrontation was forceful. I could do nothing else but tell the awful truth. In fact I was strangely compelled to come clean. God at work. Thank you Father.
I told her everything I could remember about the affairs I had. One was a one-night stand when I was supposed to be "working" out of town. The other was with a classmate in a law course that I was taking at a community college located 20 miles our home. That one lasted long enough to have sex 4 times. P was brokenhearted and devastated that I had lied to her all these years and had given her this disease that was causing so much pain. I know she was thinking that our whole marriage was a lie.
We later found that stress is a common trigger for a more severe outbreak of the STD. I have no doubt that God compelled me to tell the gut wrenching truth. Somewhere that week I had read that God reveals before and when He is ready to redeem.
So the news was out. Where do we go from here, I thought? I really didn't know.Would she kick me out after 30 years? Would she allow me to stay and make me miserable to get even. Neither one sounded like her but I'm sure that what I had done twenty years previously didn't sound like me. Uncertainty weighed like a heavy tarp over our lives. And it was because of me and me only.
There was one thing I was certain of. I was going to fight for my marriage and I was going to do anything and everything honestly and truthfully to save it.
My Prayer Today: Father allow P to know my heart. I know You set in motion everything leading up to my finally telling P the truth about my affair. I know that you forgave David for his affair and even for having her husband killed. Forgive me Father and help me to forgive myself.
When she came right out and asked if I had cheated on her I denied it. We both had outbreaks of the STD over the years to come and it was an inconvenience to say the least but we got medication to help with frequency and severity of that disease so I let it drift away as a problem in our marriage. We managed.
Years went by, twenty to be more accurate. Our marriage had some rocky times but I thought we had a strong marriage with good communication. In fact she was the one who taught me to communicate better and why it was so important to the relationship. With time passing and raising a family and then seeing them off to college and then seeing them get married I let the secret continue. I was satisfied that if I kept the secret that it would be as if it never happened. Not that I ever thought about it.
30 years into our marriage we were closer than we had ever been. I am still a self-centered type of person but I tried to by the best husband I knew how. From the outside all looked good. Happy couple, happy children, happy grandchildren, good jobs. We were looking forward to retirement and even more grandchildren.
But then a light was shown on my deepest, darkest secret. The darkest corner of my home. When her elderly mother (82) and her older special needs brother (63) had to move to a city 2 hours away for more constant care it threw our lives into a tailspin. If it had only been that stressful situation to deal with I think I would have kept the secret in tacked to my grave. Not so much to hide my despicable actions but to keep her from any harm. But God works in His on way.
More life events were in the works. Our daughter was 9 months pregnant with our new granddaughter and our oldest son was getting married in one month. More stress than anyone could handle with grace. But she was doing it. Packing her mom and brother for the move, selling all her mom's stuff to clean out the house. Getting the house on the market. Helping with our 2 year old grandson when our daughter was exhausted from working two jobs and about ready to give birth. All that and doing her 50 hour a week job. And to say that I wasn't much help would be an understatement.
After two weeks straight of working to get things settled at her mom's house which included spending the night there most every night I became increasingly resentful. We hadn't had sex the whole time and we usually were able to make love twice a week on average. Finally she took a weekend night off and we stayed home and had some drinks and had very good sex. Our sex life had been above average for the last 10 or 12 years. In fact I told her that I enjoyed loving her more now than ever. I knew that these stressful times would pass and that we would settle back in to our lives together. What I didn't know was that stress can cause more problems than I ever thought.
Soon after that night she told me about the outbreak. It was the STD. I didn't have anything visual on my body but you never know with that devil of a disease. She was, however, all bumpy and painful inside and out down there. She nor I had ever experienced anything like this before.
Everything came rushing back because it was all my fault. She was so uncomfortable and stressed that for the first time in many years she confronted me with her suspicions of my infidelity. And the confrontation was forceful. I could do nothing else but tell the awful truth. In fact I was strangely compelled to come clean. God at work. Thank you Father.
I told her everything I could remember about the affairs I had. One was a one-night stand when I was supposed to be "working" out of town. The other was with a classmate in a law course that I was taking at a community college located 20 miles our home. That one lasted long enough to have sex 4 times. P was brokenhearted and devastated that I had lied to her all these years and had given her this disease that was causing so much pain. I know she was thinking that our whole marriage was a lie.
We later found that stress is a common trigger for a more severe outbreak of the STD. I have no doubt that God compelled me to tell the gut wrenching truth. Somewhere that week I had read that God reveals before and when He is ready to redeem.
So the news was out. Where do we go from here, I thought? I really didn't know.Would she kick me out after 30 years? Would she allow me to stay and make me miserable to get even. Neither one sounded like her but I'm sure that what I had done twenty years previously didn't sound like me. Uncertainty weighed like a heavy tarp over our lives. And it was because of me and me only.
There was one thing I was certain of. I was going to fight for my marriage and I was going to do anything and everything honestly and truthfully to save it.
My Prayer Today: Father allow P to know my heart. I know You set in motion everything leading up to my finally telling P the truth about my affair. I know that you forgave David for his affair and even for having her husband killed. Forgive me Father and help me to forgive myself.